Frustrated

So the kids had a 3 day weekend, it was nice having them and the hubby home. He was a huge help. I have been pretty sick lately. I had bronchitis and on top of that they switched my blood pressure medicines becaues they weren't working right. So, the side effects are horrible. I am edgy, dizzy, sleppy, and anxious. I dislike anxiety more than anything and have a tough time coping with it. I try all the natural techniques: breathing, walking, yoga, none of it helps. I just don't understand if a blood pressure medicine is going to take my blood pressure down than how come I am more anxious than ever. The doctor says this is normal and I will be used to it in a matter of weeks. A matter of weeks? Is he crazy? I won't last feeling like this for a few more weeks. I am going to burst!!!

So this morning I was getting the kids ready for school, I was so dizzy I could barely stand up, but I muddled through. I had asked Luke to feed the dog or something (no big deal). He did it suprisingly without arguing. He was walking into his room and I said thank you sweetie. I happened to be walking by him and I could hear him mocking me, "thank you sweetie" in a snide little voice. It really hurt my feelings. I told him talking to his mom like that is not ok. I know those days are going to come but I thought I had more time. I ended up getting all teary eyed in the bathroom wiped my tears and pulled myself together. Alyncia came up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek cause she could tell I was upset. She said I am going to miss you today mama. I love you. Of course the eyes welled up with tears again. AFter I dropped the kids off at school I called my hubby and relayed the morning, crying once again. He paused and didn't say much. Finally, after about a minute of silence (which as you all know on a cell phone is a long time) He goes what is wrong with you? Exactly, what is wrong with me? IS feeling dizzy, tired, moody, shaky, and emotional all due to a new blood pressure medicine. And this is supposed to help me? Are they nuts, or am I? Have I finally gone over the edge? Whatever and wherever that may be?

Dear Alyncia,

You sure do keep me on my toes. From the minute you wake up until the minute you go to bed right next to me your amazing mind is wandering. You never cease to amaze me. It is time for the Science Fair at the school and for your brothers it is required, for you it is just optional. So we came up with a great idea. To see if the shape and color affect how long helium balloons will stay in the air. Perfect for a kindergartner. You went and told Mrs. Murray that you didn't really like that project. She asked you what you wonder about. Well, since Aunt Emily is pregnant you said you were wondering about how someone has a baby. You told her I know I grew in my mommy's tummy but that is all I know. She told you to talk to your mom and you said I did but she said I came from god. I don't know I just can't justify explaining that to a 6 year old. So you have been asking everyone: dad, grandma, and now your teacher. If there is something you want to know you are going to find out! You are a lot of fun! I hope you never stop asking questions and I hope you never lose your zest for life. You truly are a joy to be around.

I love you with all my heart!

Love Always,
Mom

A New Year

I can't believe it has been a month since I last blogged. I am a little bummed. There are so many things I wanted to write about. I am using this mainly as a way for my children have wonderful memories about their childhood. Unfortunately, with all the hustle and bustle of the Holidays I just didn't have a lot of time. So this post may be longer than usual because there is a lot I want to try and fit it.

First, Christmas was especially memorable this year. Alyncia was the first to wake up at 5 am. She was so excited. She could not contain herself. She made the holidays so much fun because she gets into everything. She truly brought joy to our house this year. Luke was pretty excited too. He doesn't sing and dance like Alyncia but you can see the light in his eyes whenever he opened a gift. I must say I think he had more fun helping me wrap presents than opening his own. We had so much fun doing some last minute shopping on Christmas eve and wrapping presents and making cookies for Santa. It was so sweet Luke was worried about Mrs. Claus that she never got any cookies so made some for her too. That is my Luke always having a big heart. Tye even seemed to get into the Holiday Spirit more than usual. Of course he is my reserved, shy boy, but he was so excited for a basketball hoop he got as a gift. He even commented to me a few times what a great Christmas it was. As I watche my 3 children in their pajamas with a mess of wrapping paper and presents all over the living room floor, my heart was flooded with warmth and love. Being a mother truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so lucky to have the bond with these 3 amazing individuals. I am so thankful to truly know and experience unconditional love.

We spent the day at my mom and dads house. Some other family members came over too. I think it was so much more special because Dwight (dad) is recovering from his surgery. This Holiday could have been so different we could have been mourning his life. Instead because of his remarkable recovery we are able to celebrate not only his life but our own lives are well. While the entire ordeal of Cancer is horrible it does change everything. It gives you a different perspective and allows you to appreciate the things that you previously took for granted. Dwight and I have become very close throughout this whole ordeal and I can only pray we will continue to have that closeness. As hard as he had to fight my mom had to fight just as hard. She is truly an amazing person. I always knew she was strong but I didn't realize how deep that strength runs through her body. She had to endure so much. Taking care of her sick husband, staying strong for all of us, trying to work to make ends meet. The list is endless. I honestly don't know how she did it. There were some days I was really concerned about her, but I should have known I didn't neeed to worry so much about her. She is a rock. I think this brought us closer too. It has always been hard for my mom to ask for help or to depend on anyone else. And while she rarely did ask for help. We offered a lot and were able to assist in a few things. We had many good talks and I would like to think I helped her through this stuff if even just a bit.

We had a nice relaxing New Year's Eve. The 5 of us went to dinner at Old Chicago and played pool and played some video games. Tye of course got frustrated because he wanted to perfect the game immediately and unfortunately pool just doesn't work that way. Luke preferred to play video games to playing pool. Alyncia, tried with all her might, but it is a bit difficult when the stick is bigger than you. It was a lot of fun. The restaurant was pretty dead so we stayed for quite a while and acted silly. Dad creamed us all in pool of course! We rented movies and had a great time being together! Dad & I had a few invitations to go out with friends however we decided just to chill out with the kids. I must say it was a great decision on our part. I couldn't have had more fun anywhere else. Being with the 4 people I love most in the world was a great way to bring in the New Year!