Friends

A friend and I have had a major falling out this past weekend. A lot of hurtful words were said that unfortunately cannot be taken back. I am not claiming innocence in this matter, but nor do I think I am totally at fault. I have tried to talk to her but she doesn't want to do that. At first I was mad then hurt then mad again. I spent a large part of my weekend reflecting on my past relationships that I have let go. I did what I am best at, put up a wall and try and ignore my feelings and just move on. The problem is this is not working in this case. I am not sure if it is because I am older so things get to me more. Or is it I am just really hurt that she is willing to let a disagreement end our friendship that meant a lot to me. Or is it what my husband says that I always need to have the last word. I am just not sure. I do know that I used to be able to not let things like this get to me and it was much easier to deal with. The problem with that is I have lost some great friends because I did not put the necessary work in to keep them. I always remember hearing friends come and go and they will let you down and don't worry about it that's just how people are. My family tended to isolate from others and my mom, grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles didn't really have a lot of friends. So I was raised in believing you rely on your family not friends. Now again the problem with all of that is I am a people person. I love people and I especially love the late night phone calls, the coffee talk, diverging your deepest feelings to a girlfriend that is there for you and is really listening. I love having lunch and drinks and shopping with my girls. I have lost some great friends, 3 in particular. We didn't necessarily have a huge falling out. Life just got busy and we went in different directions, moved away, got married and had children and I didn't put in the effort needed to nurture a relationship. I have thought about initiating contact again, but as time goes on I have gotten busy with raising kids, PTA, soccer and basketball practices and I have never reached out like I should have. I so dislike having regrets because I honestly feel like it is a waste of time. Focus instead on what you can change not what you can't. I didn't feel I could change those instances so I didn't even try. So, in hopes of not losing another great friend I have tried again to call her and hopefully she will call me back. Only time will tell but I will not let this go without trying. I hope each of my children know the joys of having great friends. As we all know with those joys there will be sorrows too. You will get hurt, you will be let down, you will be disappointed, that is part of relationships. However, you will also smile and laugh at silly things until your jaw hurts and your muscles ache from laughing so hard. You will have those special "aha" moments when you realize you have reached a milestone such as graduation, marriage, your first child being born. You will have a shoulder to lean on and you will be a shoulder for him or her when they need a friend. You will shed tears over lost or missed loves. You will have those special places that only you and your friend understand how meaningful they are. You will have stories oh the stories those are the best part. Put the effort in and don't be so quick to readily let people drift out of your life because I do believe the joys will in the long run outweigh the negative.