Thanksgiving Fun

Dear Grandma Ruthie,

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Growing up some of my best memories are of preparing the entire week before to get ready for the holiday. I remember tearing bread with you for the stuffing so it could set out for a couple of days. You thought it made it taste better that way. I remember rolling out dough for the pie crusts and singing songs while we did it. I remember waking up in the morning to the aroma of turkey in the oven. YUM! I still love that smell! There is nothing like it. My mom has 7 siblings and with all of the aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents, we would have a huge feast. I used to brag to all of my friends because it was the 1 thing I had that none of my friends did, a huge, close extended family. I used to count the days down to the holidays and would be so excited when everyone arrived at your house. I would also get sad when the last people left for the night. I spent a lot of time with you because mom worked as a waitress nights and went to school during the day.
When I was a senior in high school I remember being even more excited than ever for T-Day. I knew I was going out of state for college the following year so I looked at this as my last T-Day before leaving home. I knew it was going to be especially memorable, which it was but for different reasons. I ended up getting horribly sick the night before. I was in so much pain, my mom had to take me to the ER. They ran all kinds of tests and finally determined I had a deeply seeded kidney infection. This was before they did cat scans to detect stones so it was much more difficult to find them. Plus since I was only 17 I didn't meet the criteria. So I spent the day drugged up and enviously eyeing everyone's plate since I was too queasy to eat. That night I laid next to you and you had the softest hands, they were almost like silk. You ran your hands through my long hair and was trying to get me to relax since I still felt quite ill. For those of you who have had kidney stones, you know what kind of pain I am talking about. It is close to the child birth sensation. For those of you have never experienced it, hopefully you won't. It is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So anyway as we snuggled together while you told me stories of growing up on a farm in Nebraska. I never tired of these stories. You told me how they used to can their food and they would raise a turkey for a year with the intention of killing it on T-Day. Every year your dad and brother would go behind the barn to kill their turkey a few days before Thanksgiving. Every year they couldn't do it. My great grandfather would end up driving into town to buy a store bought turkey. You had many siblings and by the time you were 12 you each had a pet turkey because they were unable to kill them at Thanksgiving. I don't know why but I loved that story. Then you told me that no matter what happened in my life to always remember the little things. Always remember the smell of apples baking in the oven (another great smell). You told me to be thankful of everything, even the hard stuff. Because the more thankful we are during tough times the more we will appreciate the good that comes our way.
You died when I was 21 and for a few years everyone still got together, but it slowly started tricking down. Everyone began spending the holidays with their immediate families. I was so young and into my college years it didn't really bother me. It honestly didn't get to me until my oldest son was 2 years old. I wanted Tye to experience that great, wonderful feasts that I so looked forward too and loved as a child. More than anything I wish Tye, Luke, and Alyncia could know you. Some years we had bigger dinners than others, but they were never as big as they were when I was growing up.
This year with the help of aunt Linda we decided to have a big feast and invite everyone. We have had a tough year. Mom's oldest brother, Clay passed away and it made everyone think that it could have been them or me. So we were all excited to get together. Plus with my step dad having cancer and surviving despite the odds we had a lot to be thankful for. So we began planning. It always starts with a list, thats what you taught me. Alyncia was so excited. She helped me make lists, plan, make endless trips to the store, clean messes, all of it, we had so much fun. She even ate a piece of my burnt pie. She didn't even crinkle her nose at the taste and believe me it wasn't too good. It only took 3 tries to get it right. I did not inherit your amazing cooking and baking skills. At first everyone said they were coming. We were going to have 29 adults and 14 children. My husband was a bit worried how everyone would fit in our house. I wasn't worried at all. I told him my best memories were of all of us cramped in your kitchen while the TV blared in the living room with football on. Everyone grasping for the last roll or piece of pumpkin pie. It truly was a magical time. As it got closer to the Holiday we had a few people back out. Jim & Kim decided to go to Durango to be with her mom since her dad just passed that year they didn't want her to be alone. Dave had to work so Vikki decided to stay at home and get together with friends. Dwight was too sick to come and so on.. I was pretty upset and Luke seeing how upset I was thought it was all because I spent so much time cooking and now there would be too much food. He said mom I am glad they are not coming now there will be more food for me. I told him it wasn't about the food and I explained to him how special the holiday was to me and how I wanted them to experience that at least once. He paused for a moment and reflected on what I said. He said mom it sounds ok but if all those people came you would be so busy you wouldn't have as much time for us and I would miss you. Luke always knows what to say to make someone feel better. I gave him a big hug and told him not only do I always have time for him, but I will always make time for him too. Then he grinned, his big toothless grin and said now do I get a whole pie for myself? Only Luke, he loves food.
We ended up having a great holiday. It wasn't what I anticipated, but I have found life seldom is what we plan. After dinner and cleaning up we went over to my parent's house to visit Dwight (my step-dad, kids grandpa). He just got out of the hospital 4 days before and wasn't up being around a bunch of people or watching everyone eat when he cannot. He was still on a liquid diet. We ended up hanging out for a couple of hours and watching movies. We were all tired and hot. Since the chemo he gets really cold and so he keeps their house at 80 degrees. Despite us all sweating and being tired, nobody complained. The kids could see how much it meant to grandpa for us to be there with him. They never once asked can we go. When it was time to leave Alyncia went to give grandpa a hug and he pushed her away, he was cut open in his stomach and has thirty some staples in his back from them taking out the cancer and he was worried a hug would hurt him. My mom felt bad and apologized to Alyncia. Now my 6 year old daughter never ceases to amaze me. Without missing a beat she says that is ok grandpa I have enough love for us that our hugs don't have to touch we can feel the love long distant. We all got teary eyed. She is so innocent and pure. Grandpa said well than we are good because I love you that much too.
When we got home that night I was laying next to Alyncia caressing her face and playing with her hair as my grandma used to do to me. It is amazing to me how things manage to go full circle. Without even realizing it I felt the my cheeks getting wet with tears. I miss you so much grandma. I hope you know what an extraordinary influence you had on my life. All the love I have and give is because of what you taught me. And now even when I think the pain is unbearable because I miss you so much I think of what my darling daughter said and I know I have enough love to go the distance. I now know why it is that Alyncia's middle name is named after you. So grandma wherever you are this hug is for you. Happy Thanksgiving! I love you and I miss you with all my heart!

Love,
April Elaine